The Weird Luxray
by KuraYouso
Summary: Theophrastus Bombastus was exiled by his family for his strange appearance, so he takes up a job using his unique skillset... annoying things. AU-ish.
1. Exile

"What in the..." My last egg had just hatched. The tiny Shinx that tumbled out of it just looked... strange. Where he was supposed to be light blue he was light lavender, where he was supposed to be navy blue he was grey blue, where he was supposed to be yellow he was neon blue. And there was some black fur just starting to poke out from under his nose.

I was embarrassed of him. Sure, he learned to walk and talk before his sister or brother, both of which were normal colored, but all he did was tell jokes, pull pranks, and be an overall menace. When my friends came over, I had him go to his nest and play there, so that they wouldn't laugh at me.

He was an unremovable stain on our family name.

He evolved before his siblings too; much too early. I dreaded what would happen if he evolved into a Luxray before them too. And the black fur on his face- it kept growing. He was PROUD of it. He shaped it into this fancy shape, and he was PROUD of it!

So I took matters into my own hands. I told him that it was a family tradition to leave once they evolved into a Luxio. He was to leave completely stripped of everything: his name, his family, anything that would allow people to connect him to us.

He left after I told him. He believed it! I smiled, and went back to my normal, plain Shinx. My mate knew I was going to.

All was well.

_Later..._

I wasn't stupid. I knew what my mother said wasn't true. I had heard her discussing it with Dad after she thought we had gone to sleep. I knew she didn't want me much. I had seen the pain in her eyes every day, every time she looked from me to my sister, every time her friends came over, every time she saw me go out to play with my brother.

So I had fun. I tried to make her smile. But she only thought it was foolish. She really didn't love me.

I wanted to leave. And she offered the chance.

_"You must strip away everything that would bind you to us; your name, your memories. You must become someone else."_

I would. I would become who I wanted to be. I would be Theophrastus Bombastus. I would make other Pokémon smile.

I would make my mother proud of me.


	2. Later

_Six years later..._

I stood as still as possible amongst a patch of bright flowers and watched a Houndoom fall asleep. I stood as still as possible, and only scratched my ear TWICE. After I heard it starting to snore, I sneaked over to it, as quietly as possible, and poked it.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

It harrumphed in its sleep. I frowned.

Poke!

Poke!

Poke!

It jolted awake. But, its eyes still blurry from sleep, it could not see me after I rushed back over to the flowers. It grumbled about thorns, and fell back asleep.

I snickered quietly.

Pooooooooooke.

It grumbled.

I made a cheesy smile.

Kerpoke!

It awoke again. But I was too fast for it.

This continuec for a while, until-

Poke pokepokepokepoke. Poke! Poke!

It wasn't actually asleep. It rose menacingly from its nest, eyes ablaze and tongues of flame licking from between its snarling jaws.

"Who are you?" It growled.

I smiled. "Hi! My names Theophrastus Bombastus. Say, did you know that you hair is on fire?"

It blinked, clearly not expecting that.

"You didn't know? And here I thought it would, like, hurt or something. Guess not. Say, you know what's funny?"

A long awkward silence.

"A mustache!" I displayed mine proudly; the black hair on my upper lip smoothed down and curled up on the end. "You know what else is funny?"

I channeled all of my electric energy into my tail, and it glowed a blinding neon blue. "This!"

And while the light was still fading, I ran away, not to the flowers, but to my own nest huddled beneath some long rocks that had collapsed onto each other. A small chart showing the footprints of various Pokemon laid near the back. I scratched an X into one, the footprint of a Houndour that wanted to get back at a bully.

Another job well done for Theophrastus Bombastus, The Weird Luxray, The Stachion, the Anoyance-for-Hire.


	3. The Job

The next morning, the sun decided to give me a particularly early awakening, shining through the ONE crack in the rock I hadn't blocked, directly onto my face. Grumbling unintelligibly, I got up from my warm nest of ferns and wandered off in search of breakfast.

After a satisfying meal, I went to go find the Houndour who had hired me the day before. Of course, I got some food that looked like it would be perfect to eat right then. And I was full. Sighing after I was well away, I wondered what today would bring.

I was feeling depressed. The Stachion, The Weird Luxray, The Annoyance-for-Hire was downcast and focusing on the sound on his footsteps. The dry crunch of grass wasn't very satisfying either.

Crunch.  
Crunch.  
Crunch.  
Squish.

Wait... Squish? I looked down, and saw a Dratini under my blue-grey paw. It didn't seem to notice at all. I checked to see if she was dead.

"Fooooooooood..."

30 berry crunching, meat nomming seconds later, the food the Houndour had given me was long gone, and the Dratini sighed contentedly.

"Thanks! You saved me!" The Dratini was grinning widely, as though we were old friends. "Say, who are you? My name is K.K."

This 'K.K.' person had eaten my future lunch, so I figured I may as well give her the full introduction. I puffed out my chest, whipped my whipped my neon blue tipped tail, and swiveled my purple ears. "My name is Theophrastus Bombastus, the only Stachion in the world, the only Annoyance-for-Hire, and the person who saved your life at the cost of my probably delicious lunch."

"So YOU'RE the one! You know, you will eventually have a bunch of annoyed Pokemon after you one day. Buuuuuuuuuuut..."

"Buuuuuuuuuuut...?" Who would I annoy, and why?

"Will you annoy my… brother? He's a Dragonite, and a complete and utter jerk, JUST BECAUSE he evolved before I did." She pouted, and I sighed.

"Payment?"

"Huh? Payment? You aren't free?"

I rolled my eyes, which were the same blinding color as my tail tip. "It's Annoyance-for-HIRE, not Annoyance-for-free. However, job without payment results in a large amount of annoyance for you."

"Um... I have, like, food, and, uh, stuff..." She shifted he weight from one side to the other. "I'm certain that once you're done I'll have scraped something together."

I sighed. "Fine. You win. Where's your brother?"

She perked up instantly. "He has a nest in the shadow of the really really REALLY big standing rock; you know, the one with trees surrounding it."

The fact that Dragonite could fly and the fact that where he nested was coveted by many Pokemon made me feel like I was in way, way over my head.

Sometimes, I really hate being annoying.


End file.
